she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
