My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
