I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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