Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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