im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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