I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
