i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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