he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
