Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
