Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
