Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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