then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
