just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
