Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
