No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That accounts for only three of the penises
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
