I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
