I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
