dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
