I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Randomize
