I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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