happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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