In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You are a genius and a whore.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
