apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
