i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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