Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
