At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
