Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
