Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
