Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
