i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Little spoons don't ask big questions
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There's always time for handjobs
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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