You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
