no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
