hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
