a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize