I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
