my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
