Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
