I looked at my own cervix.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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