just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm having to shit out rocks
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
