Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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