According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
