last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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