i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
