I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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