i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Everclear isn't food dammit
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
