I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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