Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
