my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
last night I used snow as a chaser
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
