Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
