What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
