They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
