life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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