we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
two words...techno handjob
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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