I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
