How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
