you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize