you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
