I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
