I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
