PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize