does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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