Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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