im six kinds of drunk right now
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
