I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
