I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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