I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
