dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
