We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
