If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
