Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
should my penis look like a turkey
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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